Tell me what is racism; I am thoroughly confused.
Recently, I was lectured by a friend about my racist comments. The person and I are of the same race. The racist comment I made was a joke about my husband (in front of him), who is of a different race.
My husband's skin color is darker, a fact that is inescapably apparent. It has always been the first feature that my relatives would comment on, that or the nose, followed by urging us to have kids. “Your kids would be sooo cute!” all of them would say.
The joke was, I called my husband a “darkie” and said that I have to keep a flashlight under my pillow in order to see him at night because it’s hard to find him in the dark…
In my mind, there was never a racial overtone but a clearly visible physical attribute. I though of it no different from my grandmother’s story about my grandfather's first reaction after he saw her for the first time. My grandfather said to his mother, after seeing her – “You picked me a dark cloth.” To which my great-grandmother replied, “I picked you a black pearl.” Implying that she is more precious than regular pearl because she is dark. She loved to tell us that story, and I would see the sweetest smile on her face with a hint of shyness. My grandmother lost her husband in her late 40s and never remarried.
What ticked me off more than the accusation that I was a racist is the implication at my husband’s lack of ability to discern and fend for himself – “I don’t know how your husband feels about it but what you said was offensive.”
Hmm… a dark-skinned person (my husband), taunted by a racist (me) and subjected himself to the oppression by marrying the oppressor. Oh, that image makes me angry!
If I didn’t know any better, I would have headed straight to my first confession.
Come to think of it, I’m surprised at my comfort level in talking about skin color. To me it had little associated value; it is a physical trait like tall/short, fat/thin, big feet/small feet… there are levels of desirability attached to these traits based on the shared social norm at a given time and place. To me, those norms are less about race (in many cultures) and more about class.
Speaking from my own experience on my own culture, historically and present, it is generally considered less desirable to be dark. I believe this is the result of being an agricultural society, where the farmers/laborers had to work in the sun resulting in darker and rougher skin. Thus, the color of skin became a telltale sign of one’s social class, hence, my grandfather’s instinctive comment about my grandmother’s appearance. True to form, she proved my great-grandmother proud; she was indeed loving, caring, hardworking; tough as nail and gentler than a dove – a prized black pearl to my grandfather (perhaps a bit sexist over here).
Am I racist? Possibly, depends on how racist is defined and whose definition to consider. I would argue that I am culturally biased (“culturalist” if there is such a word). I, more often than not, make assumptions and would critic, base on cultural and historical background rather then race. This may still be unfair but not the same as being racist. Well, enough about me.
Often, I would hear people, mostly older generation; criticize the African Americans of not “trying harder”. Arguing that their conditions have changed and they have been treated fairly for sometime now, why can’t they get ahead in live? We had also been discriminated against and we work hard to overcome it to prove those racist wrong; why can’t the African Americans do the same? It is worth pointing out that neither race are being treated fairly even now.
Why? I cringe each time someone of my own race would say something like that aloud in public; I would look around and hope that no one had heard us. Then I would began in earnest to try and explain why; I thought about it much, admittedly because I had asked the same questions to myself. Of course, there were never enough time to cover all the reasons why; how they were brought here, not seeking a better live but kidnapped; how the different tribal cultures made it harder to create unity and community initially; what being treated as livestock does to one’s psyche; what, having your children and family members taken away to be auctioned off, would do to one’s sense of family and belonging; how not being able to own your own body would do to self-respect… how despite all these and more, they found the will and the courage to live, what’s more, to love and thrive.
They HAVE “tried harder”, they have made themselves proud; given the first opportunity, they looked for and found their family members, started businesses, formed communities… trying hard and working hard was never a question or of choice; it was just done and the result was prosperity. What this prosperity had brought them however, was not respect. It brought them terror - the rage of the white mob; it brought them boycott, intimidation, harassment, violence and lynching. It brought wholesale persecution and mass exodus; Black-owned businesses were pushed-out and forced to close; Black-owned properties were snatched up with a song; they saw their hard-earned possessions wiped out, just like that! Black slaves were treated like animals for centuries by the whites, “how dare they live better than us and hold their heads high?” It is not difficult to imagine anyone who could treat other human beings as such to committee atrocities without flinch.
I don’t ask the “why” questions anymore but was it racist of me to inquire in the first place?
As I was answering this old lady’s question one day, “Why can’t those Black people just try harder to make themselves proud and to prove the white people wrong? We did it, why can’t they?” her seriousness made an impression. As I was trying to illuminate her with what little I know about the history and condition of African Americans, I was having a hard time placing her as a racist.
It occurred to me to question how we define racism; was the old lady more of a racist, or was my enlightened friend?
The old lady’s question – “I can do it, why can’t you?” indicated that she understood no differences between her experience and that of African Americans, or how there would be intrinsic differences in their reaction to the bias and oppression. The assumption was based on ignorance. The expectation, for the other to do likewise, was based on them being the same.
My enlightened friend’s outrage – my husband should not have been teased by me because he is darker, “you weren’t making fun of white people”, I was told. The implication is that, we being a lighter skinned race should never make fun of dark people. Why not? Is there something wrong with being dark? My husband didn’t think so, nor did I. She was unsure about my husband’s reaction (or the lack thereof) but she had made the call that it was offensive on his behalf anyway. The assumption here again was based on ignorance. The expectation, unfulfilled by my husband, was based on them having the same reaction (indignation on behalf of the dark-skinned people, of which she is not). However, in intervening on his behalf without consultation, his choice was secondary to her perception.
There were little difference between the old lady and my friend except this – the believe in other people’s capacity to do or be as I. Not sure which is more racist but both are ignorant.
